Article: Why you are not a failure
We’ve all been there. It’s Sunday evening after a full weekend and the kitchen is a mess. I haven’t grocery shopped. All I want to do is take a warm bath and ease into bed. I’m exhausted and it isn’t even Monday yet. Up until a year ago, I would have relied on will power to muster through, but I no longer need to. What’s changed and why have I focused on my systems as a tool for consistency?
Interestingly, despite what many popular self-help books claim, we aren’t quite sure if will power is a limited resource or not (1). While we idolize those with the grit to just try harder and push on, for most of us this leads to burnout and feelings of failure. No wonder why so many of us start out the New Year strong with aspiring resolutions, only to be forgotten two weeks later. If we only had the systems to support the habits that we want, then things would be easier.
What separates success from failure? When I first started my plant-based transition, my goal was perfection. I wanted to hit the target every day with social-media-ready meals. This led to hours of meal prep on Sundays only to bite into my soggy salads come Thursday, inevitably leading me to go “off plan” before re-committing to starting again on Sunday. Every failure was just another reason to buckle down and try harder.
If this sounds like you, stop and think about everything in your life that has brought you success. Maybe we have a career/family/child/etc. that depends on us being present and on time. Logically, we make sure that there is gas in our car so that we can get there. Maybe we even wake up early enough to look presentable. There’s planning that goes into it and eventually we’ve formed a habit from the many tiny steps that get us there on time and ready for what’s ahead. Dietary transition is no different.
When I stepped back and evaluated my goal to transition to a plant-based dietary pattern, I realized that I was asking myself to run before I had even started to crawl. I was starting in hard mode instead of focusing on the 20% that would get me results. And I realized that I needed to make it easier to succeed. So I did.
Instead to setting an ephemeral dietary pattern goal, we need to start small, define what success in that moment looks like and build on small wins. And to succeed, we need a system in place that is easy and actionable. When I stopped trying to mirror what I was seeing by Instagram influencers and instead started focusing on the basics, my progress snowballed. And when I say small, I really did start small. So small that it almost felt insignificant. But it wasn’t. And that is truly where we need to start.
My first step, and where I generally recommend that my clients start is with a non-starchy vegetable goal. Why? Because most of us aren’t eating enough, and learning to add vegetables to our meals is one of the best habits that we can build. Once we actually know which vegetables that we like, the next step is to set a measurable goal. A small goal might just be to always have frozen non-starchy veggies that we like in the freezer and a way to heat them. Once we’ve made it easy enough that we have access to veggies and know how to prepare them in a way that is acceptable to us, we need to quantify how much we are going to eat. For most of us, a goal of one to two pounds is a reasonable amount of strive for.
While it really is that simple… set a goal, simplify the process, and then quantify and practice it… the actual process can be a bit rocky. Knowing where to start, what goals to set and having someone there to troubleshoot with us matters. Studies show that social support through coaching often matters the most when someone is going through a transition, especially when it comes to weight loss (2). When we work together, I am here not just for guidance and accountability, but as a cheerleader. We are strong, smart individuals who are capable of succeeding when we know where to focus our efforts. It’s time to stop blaming ourselves and instead focus on simplifying our systems so that the easy and obvious choice will lead us to success.
You are not a failure. Let’s work together to get on the right track and start focusing on what really matters. Here at Lifestyle Medicine Maine we use the You Ate App to set and track specific, measurable dietary goals to get results. Sign up today for your FREE new patient consult and start making progress. Let’s do this.
References
1. Why self-control seems (but maynot be) limited. Inzlicht et al. Journal of Cell Press (2013). https://rcgd.isr.umich.edu/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Inzlicht_Schmeichel__Macrae_2014.pdf
2. The effects of health coaching on adult patients with chronic diseases: A systematic review. Kivela et al. Journal of Patient Education and Coaching. (2014). https://valeowc.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/The-Effects-of-Health-Coaching-on-Adult-Patients-with-Chronic-Diseases-Kivela-2014.pdf
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